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Egypt Solomon's avatar

Heavens to Betsy! You’re right Bill, inflation is wearing expensive cologne, and President Trump gives economic forecasts the way toddlers perform brain surgery. Oil’s going up, five minutes later…oil’s going down, ten minutes later…we’ve created Schrödinger’s Barrel. It’s simultaneously $40 and $400 until CNBC opens the box.

The Administration doesn’t have an energy policy, they’ve got emotional support charts. Every cabinet meeting sounds like a séance. Minister, what’s happening? “The crystal ball says maybe.” The Ministry of Finance has replaced economists with Magic 8 Balls because at least the toy has the decency to admit: “Reply hazy.”

Trump keeps declaring victory before the battle starts. “We have achieved total stability!” Meanwhile the entire economy is held together with duct tape, expired coupons, and three interns whispering, “Please don’t refresh Bloomberg.” Then he treats geopolitics like he’s drunk in a supermarket parking lot.

“Let’s poke everybody!”

Neighbor annoyed.

“Poke again!”

Oil spikes.

“Poke harder!”

Shipping collapses.

Then Donny walks to the podium wearing the expression of a man who microwaved aluminum foil.

“Nobody could’ve predicted this.”

Really Pal?

You kicked a hornet’s nest with steel-toe boots and now you’re surprised the bees unionized.

The military’s strategy is basically:

Step One:

Create catastrophe.

Step Two:

Commission a study explaining why catastrophe occurred.

Step Three:

Blame Iran, China, or the Russkies.

Repeat until treasury resembles a haunted vending machine.

The budget?

Every year:

Income:

$5

Expenses:

About the size of Jupiter

Deficit:

Faith

The US doesn’t print money anymore. It photocopies optimism.

The new $250 dollar bill has President Trump’s portrait smiling like a casino owner watching tourists mortgage their kidneys. They call it quantitative easing.

But on a serious note, I love the USA. It’s optimistic, dangerously optimistic.

People think every crisis is temporary.

The fires?

Temporary.

The recession?

Temporary.

The volcano in Parliament?

Mostly decorative.

President Trump says,

“We’re opening the Gates of Hell”

Seems unnecessary, couldn’t you just leave them unlocked? That’s Government efficiency.

I also enjoy when experts says,

“Nobody knows anything.” Then they charge enormous consulting fees.

Imagine hiring a plumber.

“Can you fix my sink Sir?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“Fantastic, here’s $200,000.”

People cheer every prediction.

Oil up!

Applause.

Oil down!

More applause.

Oil sideways!

Standing ovation.

At some point they’re just clapping because their hands haven’t lost money yet.

My favorite part is President Trump keeps saying everything is under control. That’s usually what a man says while riding a piano off a cliff. The current Administration doesn’t have an economic model. It has trust issues with gravity.

Salters Trader's avatar

Thanks for the history. There is way too little of leaders studying history. Human nature never changes and its an excellent way to keep from committing mistakes like we (the US) seems to do over and over.

I've read from several sources that China cut way back on oil imports and lived off of reserves. One motivation was to avoid high prices of imports. And apparently they had stock up and needed to use reserves. This by itself may have been a major reason for the lack of $200/oil as many projected.

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