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Egypt Solomon's avatar

We’ve been on this hamster cycle wheel since Moses forgot to bring a calculator to Mount Sinai! You think the government shutdown is new? It’s not new, they do this every few years to make you think they’re fighting for you. They’re not, it’s the same darn circus. You’re broke, you’re tired, and your tax refund is stuck in limbo while Congress argues about who gets the bigger elephant chair!

The debt cycles, the shutdown cycles, the corruption cycles, it’s like America is in an AA meeting but keeps blacking out and waking up in Tijuana. The Republicans and Democrats are like divorced parents fighting over custody, but instead of kids, it’s just a sack of taxpayer cash they both want to blow on hookers and jet fuel. And Ray Dalio says put 15% in gold? Great, that’s helpful advice if you’re already a billionaire hedge fund vampire. The rest of us are lucky if we can afford a Goldschläger shot.

What cycles really mean is, we screwed you yesterday, we’re screwing you today, and guess what? Tomorrow, bend over again Sunshine. They don’t solve anything. They continue it. “Continuing resolutions” which is government doublespeak for: “We resolve to continue screwing you indefinitely.” And gold? They tell you it’s a hedge against inflation. Sure. But it’s also a shiny rock you can’t eat. Try paying your electric bill in gold coins. They’ll laugh in your face while shutting off your lights.

It’s funny because they say the markets are partying like it’s 1999. I was partying in 1999. Didn’t end well. Woke up in 2000 with no pants, a pet iguana, and somehow, two mortgages. But hey, OpenAI’s worth half a trillion, right? Losing $100 billion while being worth $500 billion. That’s a helluva trick. If I ran my career like that, I’d be a billionaire too. Just walk into the bank and say, “Hey, I lost all my money… but doesn’t that make me more valuable?” And the banker says, “Yeah dude, here’s a half a trillion dollars.” Then I say, “Thanks, I’ll buy some gold.”

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Kevin Johnson's avatar

A nation can't survive when its finances are controlled by cosmopolitan humus eaters.

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